Monday, August 30, 2010

Sunday Mind Dump

It's been a personally and spiritually trying week to say the least. I am glad it's over and we can move on and start a new one. So let's dump:
  • Starting the process of building a band for 242 church. Getting some decent response and that is encouraging!
  • Going to be leading a small group this fall. It'll be nice to get back to teaching.
  • April has stepped her worship leading up big time. She's putting more time, energy, and prayer into it than ever before and you can see the results.
  • Looking forward to getting JT on the stage with us. Hopefully, that happens next week.
  • Slept like a baby last night. First night in a week that's happened. Sad I had to get up for work or I'd still be in there!
  • In fact, I better get moving and get dressed for work. It's coming whether I am ready or not!

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Missing You Guys

The last year has without a doubt been a year of ups and downs. There have been good times and rough ones as with any year. One of the many things I am personally grateful to God for is that sometimes he brings clarity in the midst of confusion. Last fall, we were put in the position of having to close Real Life. Some agreed it was time, others wanted to find a path to stay open. I understand that. The decision I made brought with it many things, the loss of friends that I once considered close, the continued and growing friendship of others. If I had to make the same choices today, I believe I would make the exact same decision.

The last year has been good for my soul. I've had a lot of time to reflect, and quite honestly, shed many tears. I've had sleepless nights, and nights that I've slept like a baby over things. One thing that keeps coming back to me from God and some other people that I know and trust has been them asking me if I felt regret over it and the answer is still no. I just had nothing left to give. Real Life had drained me. Most of that is MY OWN FAULT. I wanted to do more than we really needed to do. I thought doing it would help create an atmosphere where people would be more inclined to invite their friends. And perhaps to some extent that was and is true. But, at the end of the day, I only had so much emotional and spiritual energy, and quite frankly April and I about went broke financing the church and paying it's debts off.

Over the last year, here is what I have come to miss and wish I could have back. Real Life was the closest thing to true Biblical fellowship I have ever been a part of. We shared meals, we laughed and cried together. When one of us hurt, we all hurt. When someone needed help, there were more people than you'd ever need showing up to help, and without resorting to shaming people into helping. People came because they wanted to, they came because they loved each other, and more than that, they genuinely cared for one another.....I haven't seen that anywhere else yet, and if there is one thing I could put in a bottle and take with me everywhere and teach other churches how to do it I would in a second.

In that way, Real Life was and is the closest thing to authentic New Testament Christianity I have ever been a part of. So when I am asked if I have any regrets, honestly, the answer is no. Could we have made a few different decisions sure, who can't say that. I am proud to have been able to be used by God to put something like that together....I miss you guys.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

We're All Overdressed

I've been doing quite a bit of playing around on the internet lately before school starts again and came across a mainstream Christian band that has a new album coming out called "Over Dressed." The basic premise of the album "stems from “the idea that we’re overdressed as believers and in the church—it’s talking about sin, depravity, shame—that we’re not who we were intended to be” but tend to try to disguise it." Wow, what a beautiful word picture!

We put on fancy clothes, we speak so eloquently, we do so many things to provide the appearance that we have it all together, yet we are a sinful lot of people. We turn from God virtually every chance we get. It's almost as if we daily cheat on a very jealous mate. We act is if our unfaithfulness is going unnoticed. It's not.

God in his mercy, allows us to stumble, fall, and get back up again. My encouragement for today is in knowing I don't have to be overdressed to come to God's table. He takes me just as I am, with all my faults, all my problems, all my hang ups, and my infidelity to him. He doesn't say clean up first he simply says come.

I love that about God. He just says come. Don't worry about the way you're dressed just come. Try that at many churches in America today....We have a long way to go....Thankfully, we have a God who is long on mercy and short on judgment. I wish more of us could find our way to where God is....

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Gate Keepers

Every church has gate keepers. Gate keepers are those people that are hesitant to accept new people. Gate keepers are concerned with keeping the history and traditions of the church intact over reaching out to people and bringing them into genuine community. Gate keepers are more concerned with the things they value in a church than catching on to what the Holy Spirit is doing and following His lead. Gate keepers refer to classes of people in the church. Those people who have put their time in and those who haven't. Gate keepers are good people who can be harmful to a churches growth.

I was talking with a friend last night who has been going to this church for a year. She has offered to get involved and help out with things a few times and is feeling frustrated because she wants to be a part of the community but there are a few people that are keeping her at a distance. In this case the pastors have appointed a gate keeper as the leader of a ministry further illuminating the problem. The gate keeper will say things like: you've only been here for X amount of time right? Or, we at X church prefer things this way, or any other thing that shows you are an outsider.

Gate keepers can really hamper a churches and a persons growth. Churches grow by more and more people feeling welcome enough to invite their friends and families to church. People grow through their service to God. If you can identify gate keepers and get them out of the way you can expect their to be more growth. If people feel like their friends and family are going to be genuinely welcomed into a warm and loving community of faith they'll invite. If people feel that they aren't being welcomed with open arms into the community of faith not only will they not invite their friends and family, they won't be staying long.

Sound like anyone you know?

Back To School

So, this is back to school week for me. While I love my work it always feels like I need another couple of weeks off work. I am not sure why that is but it just never feels like it's time to go back. It kinda makes me think that if the summer was extended and I had two more weeks off I'd still feel like I needed two more weeks at the end of the two more weeks.

Since I have to go back to school one thing is on the agenda today. Clothes shopping. I need some new work clothes...Yippee.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Successful Marriages III

So, we've covered what a successful marriage should look like (a team,) we've talked about 10 things people do to destroy their marriages. Now I'd like to take that same list and talk about how we can turn the negatives into positives.

10. Invest all your time in activities that take you away from your family.

Solution: Realize that your life is no longer your own. First and foremost, it belongs to God. Second, You got married and had kids, that means sacrifice. Stop acting, thinking, and dreaming like your single. Find things you can do as a family. One day all your kids will be grown and you'll have plenty of time to fish, shop, and get mani-pedi's. Until then whenever you get to do these things it's a treat not a right....It's all about attitude. Your not entitled to anything, and neither am I.

9. Develop a circle of online friends that you keep hidden from your spouse.

Solution: If your spouse doesn't have access to your emails, facebook, or anything else online what are you trying to hide? April can, and usually does read, everything on my facebook or email accounts. I not only allow it, I welcome it. I don't want to hide anything. Your work accounts are different (don't get yourself fired or in legal trouble over this one) as long as you do not use them for personal stuff.

8. Bottle up all your emotions, thoughts, and feelings refusing to share them until the spouse guesses why you are ignoring them.

Solution: Be willing to talk about everything. Sex. Money. Dreams. Fears. Faith. Nothing is off limits. Just talk. Also, understand everyone is different and that's a good thing.

7. Spend time fantasizing about other people. Could be porn on the internet, Facebook, romance novels, etc.

Solution: The grass is the greenest where it's watered (if you live in the country it's the greenest over the septic tank....think about that one.) The other person you're dreaming about isn't better. If you'd put the amount of energy into your marriage as you're putting into the fantasy you'd be much better off.

6. Using rationale in your decisions. For example, He bought a new (whatever) so I am entitled to buy a new (whatever.)

Solution: Stop resorting to playground mentality. Just because someone (your spouse) made a selfish decision doesn't mean you should too. In fact, if you do, in the long run, you're going to be worse off for it. If you're reading this one and thinking about it, I can already tell you your finances are screwed up and you're in debt. If that's the case PLEASE break this rule once and go pick up a copy of Dave Ramseys book THE TOTAL MONEY MAKEOVER and do what it says.

5. Putting your spouse down as a way to make you feel better or look good. Could be in front of them or others. Either way, it's still wrong.

Solution: Vow that you'll never say anything negative about your spouse in front of anyone. If you have a problem with something your spouse is doing why are you not talking to them? Your girlfriend can't help them be a better person and neither can your mother. If you weren't doing something right would you want your business told all over town? Protect the mother or father of your kids reputation and talk to them about it and not everyone else.

4. Lying about places you've been, things you've done, or people you've seen.

Solution: First, tell the truth. Second, stop doing things you'll be ashamed of. Remember you belong to God first. Honor that.

3. Keeping a separate web presence that your spouse isn't allowed to see. Emails, face book, web pages, or whatever.

Solution: See number 9 :) It's also why April and I have a combined facebook page.

2. Expecting your spouse to meet your needs. Any needs.

Solution: Last time I checked the role of God was taken. Your spouse cannot meet your needs. They are a companion and a helper. If you're waiting for your spouse to meet your needs it will never happen.

1. Hiding finances.

Solution: See #6! Seriously, get on a budget. Find one both of you can live with and agree to hold each other accountable. Sit down at least once a week and account for where your money is going. If your not paying attention to your finances your not minding your family's business. On that note, allow each other the freedom to spend a little money on yourselves without guilt. April and I have a budget. We live by it. I also have a set amount of money each pay period that I take out in cash that is my personal spending allowance. I can do with it whatever I want no questions asked. I love it! It has saved us countless arguments. I do not spend more than that amount or I get very stern looks :)

Hope you have gotten something out of these posts.

Friday, August 13, 2010

Successful Marriages Part II

Yesterday, I wrote a post about successful marriages and what they look like. The key to a successful marriage is teamwork. Today, I am going to write the top ten things a person can do to sabotage their marriage by acting selfishly. This is by no means a scientific list, just some reflections of mine. Part III of this blog series will come tomorrow or the next day on the top ten things you can do to strengthen your marriage. I'll share the more healthy solutions to these issues...

Top Ten Things Selfish Things a Person Can Do to Sabotage Their Marriage.

10. Invest all your time in activities that take you away from your family.
9. Develop a circle of online friends that you keep hidden from your spouse.
8. Bottle up all your emotions, thoughts, and feelings refusing to share them until the spouse guesses why you are ignoring them.
7. Spend time fantasizing about other people. Could be porn on the internet, Facebook, romance novels, etc.
6. Using rationale in your decisions. For example, He bought a new (whatever) so I am entitled to buy a new (whatever.)
5. Putting your spouse down as a way to make you feel better or look good. Could be in front of them or others. Either way, it's still wrong.
4. Lying about places you've been, things you've done, or people you've seen.
3. Keeping a separate web presence that your spouse isn't allowed to see. Emails, face book, web pages, or whatever.
2. Expecting your spouse to meet your needs. Any needs.
1. Hiding finances.

These are in no particular order. Just observations. If you have something you'd like to add feel free to comment :)

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Successful Marriages

Driving back to our vacation rental after a fun day at a Disney water park I heard Dennis Rainey say something so profound in terms of marriage I thought it needed to be shared and expounded upon here. He said "if you are looking for a single trait that defines what a successful marriage is it's this. It looks like and acts like a team." Successful marriages are defined by whether or not both parties are working as a team. Dang. That is so simple, yet so profound.

So that begs the question: How can marriage be all about being a team? It's simple, yet very difficult. The only way a marriage can become about team is when the two people in the marriage learn to serve each other and make sure their needs are met before worrying about their own needs. Having said that, I understand how difficult that is. Everything in this world says it's all about me. But, the key to a successful marriage is putting the other person first and me second.

You might say, well I would do that, but you just don't understand how selfish my spouse is. All that they care about is them. If I did that I wouldn't have anything for me.....I hear what your saying, but the truth is, I have never seen a relationship where one person is selfish and the other one is selfless. Usually, both are pretty selfish in there own way. You might argue, I'll stop worrying about me, as soon as the other person stops doing "XYZ." I am hear to tell you, if that's what your waiting for it'll never happen.

Your job is to worry about your heart being in the right place, not about the other persons heart....In Matthew 20:28 Jesus said " For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many." If Jesus came here to serve others what makes you think you can make things about you and find happiness in a marriage or anywhere else for that matter?

More on this topic later this week....

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Family Time!

Tomorrow morning we leave for Florida. It's our last "family vacation." Chelsea is 19 and Jake will be graduating next year and we've kinda made the decision that next year April and I will go alone and the kids can focus on work and school. It's a little bittersweet to say the least.

Being a divorced and remarried dad, we've always looked forward to our summer vacations because it was extended alone time with the kids. Over the years we've taken them to Montana, Colorado, California, Mexico (on a cruise) and Florida (3 times.) We've loved every minute of it....Sad to say this is the last year.

To all you parents of small kids who are frustrated. Hold on, it only lasts for a season. It just seemed like it was yesterday when my little one's were having an argument about whether airplanes take off (the girl)or blast off (the boy) (long story!) They grow so fast.....

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

George Carlin vs Jesus

George Carlin was a brilliant comedian. He had great timing, intellect, and whit. He was a comedians comedian....people looked up to him. He once made the joke "Did you ever notice that it's mostly older people reading the Bible? He said, that puzzled me, then one day I realized the old people are going to die soon, they are studying for the final exam!"

While certainly funny, that statement bears no resemblance to the truth. The simple fact its, it really doesn't matter how much of the Bible a person knows. I've read the Bible cover to cover multiple times and there isn't a single reference to gaining a certain amount knowledge as the key to getting into heaven.

Jesus on the other hand says come to me. I'll make your burden lighter. Come to me, I'm all you need.

It's not, has never been, nor ever will be about how much you know. The Bible wasn't given to us to help us increase our knowledge. What matters is the condition of your heart. I'd much rather have that over cramming for an exam.....just sayin'

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Sunday Mind Dump

Almost time for vacation. Looking forward to our week in Florida with the kids. We rented a house and are mostly going to unplug and relax, with healthy doses of sun and swimming mixed in there. It's Sunday and that means a Sunday Mind Dump...so let's dump:
  • Reminded again this morning that nothing bad comes our way without God's hands in it and an opportunity for our growth. We can either learn from the struggles or not, but they're still coming.
  • The band played very well today in light of some really tough tech and sound issues. Those issues are part of what you deal with being a portable church. Glad everyone ignored them and had fun anyway. The flip side, now I have to go back and troubleshoot that soundboard this week!
  • Getting ready to read a book I have been wanting to read for some time called "Repenting of Religion." It's all about learning to love and move past judging others. No matter who you are judging others is a problem. Our job as Christians is to love, God judges. Case closed :)
  • Great job Scott Brewster. This message series is killer. You've got a lot of people talking....
  • Might be bringing an electric guitar out for worship soon. Gonna sit down and work some stuff out this week and see if I like what I hear!
  • Thinking a lot about my calling lately. Praying for wisdom about that.
  • Last week of classes. I am VERY happy about that....VERY happy.
I am outta here....need to spend some time with the wife.