Burnout

Unless you were very close to me you wouldn't know that I was just plain burnt out from my time in ministry. It's one of the reasons April and I are taking a sabbatical from church and ministry. I needed some time away from it all to try and gain some perspective and clarity. Over the last year I had really developed a sense of apathy with respect to the work that God had called me to. You wouldn't have known it from my actions so much because I did and said the right things....It was an apathy in my heart.

My apathy was played out in my personal devotional life. It was played out in my personal prayer life. My apathy was played out in the relationships I choose to pursue. And Lastly, my apathy was played out in my motivation.

During my sabbatical I am reading a lot of books and spending extra time with God trying to regain my perspective and personal drive for God and people. One of the books I am currently reading is called Sunsets and Sushi. It's a book on the Psalms written by David Crowder. The other is a book called Mad Church Disease. It's a book on church burnout written by Anne Jackson....What a great read and it's hitting me hard on some stuff. One of the things that's hitting me hardest right now is the question of my motivation to serve God by serving others......Here is what Anne says about service and testing your motivation to serve.

How do these hit you?

• Self righteous service comes through human effort it delights in plans and orginization-True service comes from a relationship with Jesus Christ. Energy is expended but it is not feverish.
• Self righteous service is impressed with the big deal, it is worried about the outcome-True service doesn't distinguish big projects from small projects.
• Self righteous service requires external rewards...It needs to be noticed (subject to Christian modesty of course) - True service is content in hiddeness. It doesn't seek attention but doesn't fear it either.
• Self righteous service is concerned with results - True service is satisfied with the service.
• Self righteous service picks and chooses whom to serve - True service is indiscriminate.
• Self righteous service is moved and swayed by moods and whims (moved by the spirit as we say) - True service ministers simply and fully because there is a need.
• Self righteous service is temporary and loves short term projects - True service is a lifestyle.
• Self righteous service is insensitive. It forces itself in demands in the opportunity to help - True service listens with patience and tenderness before it acts.
• Self righteous service fractures community. Once the religious trappings are removed it focuses mainly on self glorification - True service builds community. It is caring, quiet, and unpretentious.

Most of those apply to me over the last few years. How about you?