So why are church people not friendly. First off, because the people that visit our churches tell us we're not. Visitors can look around and they can see that we love each other because we share a warmth and fellowship with each other that is obvious to anyone looking. That is very different than creating a culture of friendliness. Every church I have ever been a part of thought they were friendly, in reality not much about them actually created a warm and friendly environment.
So then why do people think that we are unfriendly. Because most of us haven't learned how to relate to people that are not yet part of us. We ask shallow awkward questions that make a person feel like an outsider. We might say "So is this your first time here?" or "You're new here what do you think so far?" or worse yet "you look new, let me introduce you to the pastor!" not that I am a bad guy mind you, but really? Who wants to be taken before the pastor?
So how can we actually go from thinking we are friendly to being friendly. Well first, we can start by actually knowing how to have a conversation with someone that makes them feel valuable. Instead of saying "you look new." You could always say "Hi, my name is Jeff, I don't think we've meet yet." Instead of pointing out that a person is new we are introducing ourselves.
So being the practical teaching pastor dude that I am I wanted to pass along some helpful pointers for starting conversations with people that you don't yet know. Again, I am a simple guy, I didn't come up with this stuff our church planting coach, who is far more creative than I am passed them along to me. Here is a great tool that is easy to use and remember ask about H.E.L.P.
- Home: Where are you from and how did you arrive here?
- Employment: What do you do for a living?
- Loved ones: Ask about their families.
- Pleasures: Ask what they like to do for fun.
