So, we've covered what a successful marriage should look like (a team,) we've talked about 10 things people do to destroy their marriages. Now I'd like to take that same list and talk about how we can turn the negatives into positives.
10. Invest all your time in activities that take you away from your family.
Solution: Realize that your life is no longer your own. First and foremost, it belongs to God. Second, You got married and had kids, that means sacrifice. Stop acting, thinking, and dreaming like your single. Find things you can do as a family. One day all your kids will be grown and you'll have plenty of time to fish, shop, and get mani-pedi's. Until then whenever you get to do these things it's a treat not a right....It's all about attitude. Your not entitled to anything, and neither am I.
9. Develop a circle of online friends that you keep hidden from your spouse.
Solution: If your spouse doesn't have access to your emails, facebook, or anything else online what are you trying to hide? April can, and usually does read, everything on my facebook or email accounts. I not only allow it, I welcome it. I don't want to hide anything. Your work accounts are different (don't get yourself fired or in legal trouble over this one) as long as you do not use them for personal stuff.
8. Bottle up all your emotions, thoughts, and feelings refusing to share them until the spouse guesses why you are ignoring them.
Solution: Be willing to talk about everything. Sex. Money. Dreams. Fears. Faith. Nothing is off limits. Just talk. Also, understand everyone is different and that's a good thing.
7. Spend time fantasizing about other people. Could be porn on the internet, Facebook, romance novels, etc.
Solution: The grass is the greenest where it's watered (if you live in the country it's the greenest over the septic tank....think about that one.) The other person you're dreaming about isn't better. If you'd put the amount of energy into your marriage as you're putting into the fantasy you'd be much better off.
6. Using rationale in your decisions. For example, He bought a new (whatever) so I am entitled to buy a new (whatever.)
Solution: Stop resorting to playground mentality. Just because someone (your spouse) made a selfish decision doesn't mean you should too. In fact, if you do, in the long run, you're going to be worse off for it. If you're reading this one and thinking about it, I can already tell you your finances are screwed up and you're in debt. If that's the case PLEASE break this rule once and go pick up a copy of Dave Ramseys book THE TOTAL MONEY MAKEOVER and do what it says.
5. Putting your spouse down as a way to make you feel better or look good. Could be in front of them or others. Either way, it's still wrong.
Solution: Vow that you'll never say anything negative about your spouse in front of anyone. If you have a problem with something your spouse is doing why are you not talking to them? Your girlfriend can't help them be a better person and neither can your mother. If you weren't doing something right would you want your business told all over town? Protect the mother or father of your kids reputation and talk to them about it and not everyone else.
4. Lying about places you've been, things you've done, or people you've seen.
Solution: First, tell the truth. Second, stop doing things you'll be ashamed of. Remember you belong to God first. Honor that.
3. Keeping a separate web presence that your spouse isn't allowed to see. Emails, face book, web pages, or whatever.
Solution: See number 9 :) It's also why April and I have a combined facebook page.
2. Expecting your spouse to meet your needs. Any needs.
Solution: Last time I checked the role of God was taken. Your spouse cannot meet your needs. They are a companion and a helper. If you're waiting for your spouse to meet your needs it will never happen.
1. Hiding finances.
Solution: See #6! Seriously, get on a budget. Find one both of you can live with and agree to hold each other accountable. Sit down at least once a week and account for where your money is going. If your not paying attention to your finances your not minding your family's business. On that note, allow each other the freedom to spend a little money on yourselves without guilt. April and I have a budget. We live by it. I also have a set amount of money each pay period that I take out in cash that is my personal spending allowance. I can do with it whatever I want no questions asked. I love it! It has saved us countless arguments. I do not spend more than that amount or I get very stern looks :)
Hope you have gotten something out of these posts.
No comments:
Post a Comment