Leaders Vs Posers

Just sitting home this morning prepping chili for the cook off and thinking about some leadership lessons I have learned over the years. Just my observations, feel free to take them or leave them :)

1. Leaders: Run to the problem, the look at all the sides of an issue and then come up with a way to fix the problem. Posers: Ignore the problem hoping it will go away, out of sight, out of mind.

2. Leaders: Are not afraid to ask for help: Leaders want to learn more, if there is something they don't understand they look for people who can help and learn from them. Posers: Think they have all the answers.

3. Leaders: Seek out coaching help from people who have been there before. Posers: Are lone rangers afraid to expose themselves to other leaders, often they are afraid their weaknesses will show and make them look bad (see #2.)

4. Leaders: Understand they have weaknesses and bring in people who have complimentary talents and gifts. Posers: Bring in yes men (or women) who's purpose is to prop them up.

5. Leaders: Are teachers. They equip people and then turn them loose to do what they do best. Posers: Lord over their people afraid to empower them to make decisions.

Over the years, like many others I've been both a leader and a poser. The older I get the more I realize it's not about me and my talents its about bringing out the best in others. The best leaders are coaches who teach their team well then turn them loose. I want to be the best coach I can be.

Reflection(s)

What a difference a year makes. It just hit me that it was a year ago that we were entering our last week at Real Life. I was spent spiritually, emotionally, and physically spent. As sad as it was to close RL, I don't know how much longer I could have gone on even if we had been more solvent. We took six months and didn't do much of anything church related. We visited around and got to worship with friends that we'd been meaning to catch up with but nothing in terms of playing, teaching, leading, serving. It was a really much needed respite.

Last spring we offered to help a friend that was planting a church in the Findlay area. Originally, we were going to come and help out for the summer. The summer gradually turned into we'll stay till launch next Easter. God has a purpose and a plan in everything. Last month our friend passed away. He was only 54 and had a massive heart attack. While it's been tough for everyone, it's pretty obvious that God called us to 242 Church to help. God knew what was going to happen and he knew he needed us there. We are not called to be at 242 long term. God also had a plan and a man that he wanted to lead that church. Next week we'll get to hear from him (Craig.) We'll pray that his calling to 242 is confirmed by everyone at church.

It's been a weird year. When we closed RL I said that I was done in ministry. I meant it, I really wanted nothing to do with it anymore. I was tired of friends who loved me to my face, but spoke ill of my behind my back. I was tired of the attacks on my family. I was just plain tired. I've often said that I love God but struggled to love his people. If you've ever been in ministry, perhaps you can relate. I told God that if ever wanted me back in ministry that he'd have to come get me because I would not be looking for ministry work.

I believe God has a funny streak about him. We went to 242 just to help out with worship and I was going to coach Scott a little behind the scenes and then we'd walk away. Here I am leading a church again (although just short term.) Over the last 6 months, I have had 6 people call, email, and take me out for coffee asking if I'd be interested in helping out or taking a ministry position with their church. Small group pastor, teaching pastor, lead pastor, worship....all kinds of ministry opportunities. One very large church, and some mid to smaller sized churches...Till now, I have turned them all down and really without much thought or even prayer.....Finally, last week. I said OK God I GET IT.....You want me in ministry.

I know what my calling is. I have for a long time. When the right offer comes along. I will do it....until then I'll follow where he leads. Sometimes, I forget that my life isn't my own. In order to have a life I have to be willing to give it away. If it means taking the kind of crap (yes I just said crap) that comes with ministry I will learn to endure. I am learning that the Apostle Paul said when he said "For me to live is Christ."

Missing You Guys

The last year has without a doubt been a year of ups and downs. There have been good times and rough ones as with any year. One of the many things I am personally grateful to God for is that sometimes he brings clarity in the midst of confusion. Last fall, we were put in the position of having to close Real Life. Some agreed it was time, others wanted to find a path to stay open. I understand that. The decision I made brought with it many things, the loss of friends that I once considered close, the continued and growing friendship of others. If I had to make the same choices today, I believe I would make the exact same decision.

The last year has been good for my soul. I've had a lot of time to reflect, and quite honestly, shed many tears. I've had sleepless nights, and nights that I've slept like a baby over things. One thing that keeps coming back to me from God and some other people that I know and trust has been them asking me if I felt regret over it and the answer is still no. I just had nothing left to give. Real Life had drained me. Most of that is MY OWN FAULT. I wanted to do more than we really needed to do. I thought doing it would help create an atmosphere where people would be more inclined to invite their friends. And perhaps to some extent that was and is true. But, at the end of the day, I only had so much emotional and spiritual energy, and quite frankly April and I about went broke financing the church and paying it's debts off.

Over the last year, here is what I have come to miss and wish I could have back. Real Life was the closest thing to true Biblical fellowship I have ever been a part of. We shared meals, we laughed and cried together. When one of us hurt, we all hurt. When someone needed help, there were more people than you'd ever need showing up to help, and without resorting to shaming people into helping. People came because they wanted to, they came because they loved each other, and more than that, they genuinely cared for one another.....I haven't seen that anywhere else yet, and if there is one thing I could put in a bottle and take with me everywhere and teach other churches how to do it I would in a second.

In that way, Real Life was and is the closest thing to authentic New Testament Christianity I have ever been a part of. So when I am asked if I have any regrets, honestly, the answer is no. Could we have made a few different decisions sure, who can't say that. I am proud to have been able to be used by God to put something like that together....I miss you guys.

Real Life, Blogging, and Me

Real Life: It's been a surreal kind of week since we have decided to close down Real Life. I have spoken to our folks about the details that made up that decision and why we had to end so abruptly. So I will save those details for our people and not posting them on my blog. Quite frankly, it's just so heart wrenching to keep writing them down. I want everyone who played a part in Real Life from it's inception to the end that I thank them for their service and you should know that I and many other people have been changed for the better because you allowed God to work through you!

Blogging: A few days ago I thought that I would close my blog down and move on. As I woke up this morning and have thought more about it I think that I am going to keep it open and rather than blogging about my thoughts and experiences as a pastor, church planter, and cheerleader of one of the coolest churches ever. I will write about my continuing spiritual journey. Over the next week I will share some of the emotions and struggles I have faced personally as a pastor, leader, and husband.

Me: Where will I go and what will I be doing next? Right now I don't know. April and I are going to take a few months and not go anywhere or do anything church related. After the start of the New Year we'll pick ourselves up, end our sabbatical and start the process of trying to figure out where we fit in the kingdom of God.

Will I be working in ministry again? Probably, but right now I need to step away and spend some time allowing God to fill me up, hence the need for stepping away for a season.

Great Meeting

April, Tony, and I had a great meeting with some very cool guys last night. We talked about our church and where were are wanting to go and how they might be able to help us. Looks like they are going to be a really good fit for us and over time should be able to help Real Life. Good things...very god things. We'll know in a week or so whether we are going to progress with them.

Couldn't Sleep

Ok, so last night I had a hard time sleeping. I got up and got on the computer and did a little reading. God began to hit me with the notion that we need to look at everything we are doing in church and ask ourselves if those things are effective and accomplishing their purposes.

Some of the questions I am asking myself:

• Am I teaching as effectively as I could be teaching?
• Am I doing enough to grow the church?
• Am I doing an effective job communicating the vision of the church?
• Am I growing our leaders?

I could go on...but it's important to understand all of us need to self evaluate honestly. Some of the things that I need to be working on are:

• Relying less on notes and speaking more from my heart.
• Sharing more of myself with our people.
• Becoming less the face of the church and more the heart of the church.
• Speaking our vision in and through the messages.
• Encouraging our leaders and helping to empower them.
  
• Providing opportunities for our leaders to grow.

There is more I am kicking around but this is a start. Over the next few months I need to be more intentional about my teaching and leadership.

Been Thinking (Scarry I know!)

Many times we in leadership confuse what we like with what God is calling us to do. We tend to to what makes us comfortable, tickles our ears, or makes us feel better about our positions and our place. We often lead from the position that our likes are more godly than other peoples likes, thereby justifying our stance on things. Sometimes, we get wrapped up in the notion that because something blesses me therefore it will bless those in our churches.

The simple fact of the matter is quite often this just isn't true. What blesses me may mean nothing to the people in my church. The things I like might not be liked at all by the people in my church. The things that tickle my ear might really annoy the ears of those in our church. The things that we justify in doing in our churches because they appeal to us aren't really always the things that God is calling us to do.

Here is the rub. Leaders lead. It doesn't matter what the arena or venue. Leaders have a knack for looking at where they are, seeing things from an accurate perspective, and leading where they believe the church or organization needs to go. Leaders, if they are going to be effective, must learn to separate their personal tastes from the needs of their people.

Don Shula was a great football coach, perhaps the best ever. The great thing about Shula was that he didn't have a system. He, unlike most coaches, wasn't tied to anything other than winning. If he had guys that were more skilled in passing the ball his teams became prolific passers (think Dan Marino.) When his players were better runners than passers they did that (think Csonka and the 72 Dolphins.) Leaders lead with what they have and they find a way to get things done plain and simple.

How does all this fit into discussion on church? Leaders lead. We in ministry need to learn to do a better job of putting aside our personal preferences in order to better lead the people God has given us. Sometimes that means playing music that isn't our first choice. Sometimes that means leaving the suit in the closet (were it belongs!) Sometimes that means dropping the old time preacher routine of pacing back and forth while speaking progressively louder. Sometimes that means allowing people to bring some coffee into the holiest of holys (our church sanctuary's!)

Plain and simply put. If you're in ministry and something in your area of ministry isn't clicking maybe it's you :)

I am not saying you need to get out of ministry or run for the hills. What I am saying is maybe you (and all of us for that matter) need to take an honest look at what your doing and ask yourself if it meets the needs of the people I am leading right now. If not, replace it with something that will. Am I saying you need to tickle peoples ears? Not a chance. What I am saying is that packaging is everything. I will never sacrifice what I teach. NEVER. I make no bones about it.

I will however constantly look at the way I teach it and the way I lead. Everyone in ministry and for that matter leadership needs to do that. Part of being a good leader is being willing to change tactics when the time comes. What worked last year may not work next year. The songs that moved the church to tears today might not move the church to tears in a year. It's not that they're bad songs it's that people and times change.

The message doesn't change. Just the way it's presented! Winning doesn't change but sometimes you need a new game plan!

Ownership

What makes a church go from the phrase "you have a nice church here" to "we have a nice church here?" It's pretty simple. Ownership. Ownership is critical to the success of any church. The notion that we as individuals identify a church as our church is huge. That also means that people begin to take on the responsibility of supporting the church. Supporting the church is typically thought of in monetary terms and while that is of course needed and important. Supporting the church by getting involved in serving is just as important.

It doesn't matter how much money a church has if no one is willing to serve. Believe me when I tell you it takes a lot to make a church run smoothly! In most churches, people really never see the little things that go on. We just sort of take them for granted. We expect clean facilities, we expect the coffee to be hot and ready, we expect the kids to be well taken care of. Most of us don't get out there and make sure it happens.

It's kinda like thinking about where your chicken dinner comes from. We don't really think about where it came from and the process of getting it to you. We just know we like the chicken and want it ready for us.


Over the next few months. I am going to ask each person that calls Real Life home to step up their game in terms of ownership. People will be asked to serve in ways that they have never served before. If we are going to move ourselves to the next level we are going to have to do some things we have never done before. For many people, that will mean serving in ministries for the first time.

We are looking at every task that needs to be accomplished at Real Life and then asking ourselves who might be able to do it. So be thinking right now of some things that you really would enjoy doing. There is no greater joy and connection to a church than when you are connected relationally to God's people and serving them with the gifts and talents He has given you.
These are great times!

What's going on with me?

Ok....normally I get myself all psyched up for one message series at a time. I haven't even finshed writing all the messages for the iMarriage series (I have written 2 of 4) and had this overwhelming urge to sit down and write my message for our June One Prayer series.

Am I getting ahead of myself or what? Sometimes God just hits you and boom it all comes out. Which is not how he normally leads me in message prep. Usually I feel lead towards certain topics so I start gathering information and seeing what is out there that has already been written and said by people that are much better communicators that I am. As I am reading, God will reveal to me what to keep, what to ditch, and what to add to what I have found. Today was one of those days were it just all came out just sitting down with my computer and Bible and allowing GOd to speak........The good the bad and the ugly.

Sad thing is....quite often the best messages are a little ugly and you really don't want to know what we go through in putting them together. Quite often they are very painful for us pastors. We are reopening old wounds for ourselves and knowing many times we are going to open the wounds of others. Sometimes though, that's what it takes to bring healing for us and for you guys.

We're Close To Something Big

Over the last few months I have felt a stirring in my soul about Real Life being close to some really big things happening in terms of ministry and growth. I am sitting here at the computer this afternoon and I am really overwhelmed at just how close we are. All I can say is man God is so good. He has provided some amazing things.

How about this for a first year recap:

1. We held our first practice worship service a year ago today. All but a small handful of the people at that first practice service are still with us. Many of those people have taken on new ministries and are leading them with amazing success.

2. We have more than doubled in size. If you take the core group we started with and add in the new folks that call Real Life home we have more than doubled in a year.

3. We have exceeded our budget in terms of income every month since we started. Even in the midst of a bad economy we are doing quite well.

4. We have a great band. Churches 10 times our size wish they had the talent we do. Trust me, I have heard them say it.

5. We have some of the coolest people on the planet as members of our church.

6. We have a great building at a killer price.

7. We have been given so much in terms of technology it's almost scarry. Wait until we really get cooking on it. We will be the MOST CUTTING EDGE CHURCH IN TOLEDO. I can promise you that.

8. In terms of numbers, we baptized half of our church in 2007.

9. We have one of the best kids ministries in town. Period. I have never heard our kids come out of kids church saying they didn't have fun.

10. We have some of the best volunteers in the world. Most people never see what Shelly, April, Shelly #2, Carla, John, Martha, Jackie, Chelsea, Jake, Tony, Aaron, and everyone else I forgot to mention do. I am humbled to be your Pastor. Thank You!

The Beginning of the END!

I knew I'd hook ya with the title!

Ok, so this week we are closing out our series based on 6 of Jesus most famous miracles. As we are learning our obedience to what God is asking of us is a huge thing. We have found plenty of examples of God providing for his people upon their obedience.

I thought I would take a few minutes and lay out some of the things God is hitting me with.

1. I need to be more intentional about my personal growth as a Pastor and Leader. I run in stages where I get focused about growing but God is challenging me to spend more time regularly growing.
2. I need to be more intentional about my quiet time with Him. I've been pretty busy lately and God's been hitting me with the notion of I am leaning too much on my strengths, talents, and abilities and that I am not sold out enough to his. This is hitting me pretty hard right now and it's something I need to deal with, in that respect most people in ministry need to deal with on a regular basis.
3. I need to be more intentional about my alone time with my wife. It seems like we are always together and that is a good thing. The problem is much of what we do together is ministry related. We and by we I mean I, need to schedule more time where the phones are turned off and we are doing more couple stuff.
4. I need to be more intentional about forming better quality relationships with the people at church. I have a few close friends and I need to do a better job getting outside of that circle. Or better said, I need to expand that circle of friendships making more room for the awesome people God has brought into Real Life.

So that's me....what is God asking you to do at this point in your life?

Things pastors just don't want to admit

There are some things in life that people in ministry just don't want to admit. I'll give you my top 5

5. Pastors like to please people.
Sometimes we do that by doing things we know we shouldn't do because it doesn't fit into what God is calling us to do and be as a church. We know better but sometimes we cave. It always hurts us more in the long run but do it anyway.

4. We want to be friends with you.
Really we do, but remember friendship is a give and take thing. We have a hard time being our real selves if you are going to treat us like a pastor when we are just hanging out. If you want to be our friend then be one. Quit trying to act perfect. Trust me, we know that your not and neither are we. We have hang ups and things that we are working on too. If you really want to be our friend you won't judge us on the stuff we are working on. It's called grace. We extend it to you, if you want to be our friends extend it to us.

3. Sometimes we question.
That's right. We don't always have the answers to everything. We wish we did but we can't answer everything. The best we can say is that we trust God and we'll seek him for an answer.

2. We work too hard.
Sometimes we put way to much time into our church and into our ministry. Often that is at the expense of our family. Believe it or not, pastors burn out at a very high rate. Ministry is a difficult job. We will lose many more battles than we will win. Most people never see the pain we see and most people never feel the hurt we feel. If you want to help see #4 be a real friend and support us.

1. We think more money is a solution.
This one really hurts but it's true. We get caught in the trap thinking if we only had more cash we could do XYZ. It should never come to that but it does. Remember we are people too. Many of us dream big and then start fretting about how we are going to pay for it. Instead we need to dream big and wait on God.

I'd love to hear your comments. Feel free to post them for our discussion!

Leadership Base

Over the next few weeks you'll be hearing about us expanding our leadership base by looking to add additional people to our leadership team. At Real Life we don't have elections. According to our bylaws we present prospective new leaders to the church and allow the church to approve of the potential new leader by privately addressing any issues you have with the potential leader with that leader. If you cannot solve the potential issue with the potential leader you are to bring the issue before another member of the leadership team and we will address it.

At Real Life we don't hold leadership elections because we want to avoid having church leadership become a popularity contest and be more about finding the right people to lead the church based on our needs meeting our potential leaders strengths. Along the church planting road we have learned that the best way to bring people into ministry and or leadership is to spend time getting to know them.

If you have any questions about how we conduct church business feel free to ask

Worship

Worship is one of those things that helps define a church. It can be one of the first selling points of the church or it can be something that people have to explain away. We have always been blessed with people who can really play. I know of many churches with hundreds of people that would kill to have the talent we have because they have no one. It really is awesome to see God put this together.

From the beginning I have always wanted people to have freedom to worship God as they felt him leading. For some that is quiet reflection for others that is singing passionately with tears in their eyes and their hands raised toward heaven. Our goal was to have modern music that virtually everyone that would be attracted to a church like ours would enjoy and listen to outside of church. We have done pretty well up till now, but, we are about to up the ante so to speak.

Starting tomorrow you'll notice one big difference on the worship team. You won't find me playing guitar and singing. It's not that I don't enjoy it because I do but the fact is God has called me to lead a church not be a worship leader. Sometimes in life, and in this case in ministry, you have to give up to go up. For me, that means giving up my spot in the band and stepping back allowing others to do what God has gift them to do and doing more of what I am called to do.

I am still helping out with the band as needed and I'll be playing guitar occasionally but not every week. Starting this week Aaron Hammitt will be taking my place. He is an awesome guy and everyone is really going to enjoy hearing him play and sing. He brings much more to the table than I do musically and vocally. It's going to be a really cool thing for Real Life and I just know every one is going to love hearing him play and sing.

Vision 2008 Part 2

Real Life is a Purpose Driven church. Many people don't quite get the concept of Purpose Driven and they think that it's all about a style but that isn't it at all. Purpose Driven is all about knowing your target or who you are called to reach and knowing your mission and how you are going to complete it. For us, we are called to do four things.

Real Life is called to:

1. Bring people into membership in God's family.
2. Build hurting people up.
3. Train people up for service to God and others.
4. Send out for service.

Being Purpose Driven means that we channel our decisions through the mission. If something doesn't help us meet one of the things we are called to do we aren't going to do it. It is that simple. Honestly, it helps make some choices much easier to make. When you know what you are called to do, it's much easier to say yes, and much easier when necessary, to say no. Being a church that does things one purpose helps us become more effective because we are able to focus our attention and energies into the areas that matter the most to our mission. We don't have to waste time, energy, and resources on things that don't help us complete the mission.

Being Purpose Driven also means that we budget for our purpose. We will continually look at our budget and ask ourselves how does our spending help meet our purpose. If a program or ministry is no longer meeting our purpose we will eliminate it. Purpose Driven budgeting also means that we are going to fund the things that are important to us.

As a small upstart church one of the big selling points we have is that we really have a killer kids ministry. Why is that? We put our money where our mouth is. It would be hypocritical for us to say we care about kids and not fully and completely fund that ministry. In most churches, kids get the short end of the financial stick. We fund other ministries but we give kids the scraps. That will never happen at Real Life as long as I am in charge.

Why are kids so important that we spend thousands of dollars yearly on them? Simple, most people that come to Christ come before the age of 18. A full 47% of conversions happen before the age of 12. Children's ministry is our biggest mission field. I will say that I don't know much about kids ministry. It's really not my passion. But, I know enough to make sure that our kids have everything they need.

Leadership

Been reading John Maxwell's 21 laws of leadership over the last few weeks and a few things have hit me pretty hard.

• First, I need to do a better job caring about people over the project. I tend to get tunnel vision and focus more on the project than I do on the people in the project. It's not intentional I have just always been that way and I am working on training myself out of it.
• Second, I need to make a practice of rallying the troops than of actually doing everything myself. Like many people in ministry I take on more than I should personally and I need to do a better job of surrounding myself with people who can and want to help me and the church succeed.
• Third, I need to do a better job of leaking vision. Every leader knows it the really good ones live it. I need to live it. Too often, I assume everyone is on the same planet as me when it comes to vision.

Leadership is a process and it's something I am continually trying to improve.

It's the little things.

Way to often in church we think it's the big things that we do that bring people and keep people in church. The reality is that it's the little things that count. Taking the time to thank everyone that brings a dish, sets up a chair, or sings a song will go a long way in keeping your church happy and healthy. It might not seem like a lot but the fact is people will not invite their friends to a church if they feel like there is a risk they'll get burned.

I learned the hard way that we have to go out of our way to make sure that people know that they are appreciated. Take the time today to thank someone who has come along side of you and helped you with whatever it is that your doing.

Real Leadership

I was thinking about real leadership today. Real leadership is never given or taken it's always earned. When I was a kid I was in the Army, and there is one principle of leadership I learned that has stuck with me over the years. In the service you have to do things that are not always pleasant. I remember one time we had to walk 18 miles (ok, it wasn't uphill both ways.) The thing that made the walk tolerable was that our officers were right there walking beside us. They were carrying the same loads we were carrying. They were living out leadership not just talking about it. Long after we had reached our destination and us working folk were done for the day and free to relax, they were still working!

How is that a lesson in leadership. Simple! Never ask someone to do something that you're not willing to do first. Think about that one for a sec. Way to often people aspire to leadership because they think they can teach, sing, play an instrument, balance a checkbook, create a killer power point presentation, or whatever else they happen to be good at.

Real leadership is all about being a servant first. Are there times when leaders need to delegate? Without a doubt. In fact, I need to learn to delegate more so that I can be more effective but sometimes leadership means cleaning bathrooms, hauling equipment, listening to a story you've already heard, or holding a hand. Jesus was a great model of how a leader should think. His response about being put on a pedestal might surprise some. He told people that he came to serve them not to be served.

If you think you are being called into leadership that's awesome! Start by serving were you are. Use the gifts and talents God has given you to be a blessing to others. If you are called and have the ability to lead people will notice and people will follow.

Way to often us church types think leadership relieves of our duties to serve others. The reality is real leadership requires more humility, sacrifice, and service than just being a part of something. Much like the officers I saw living out leadership in the military we need more people willing to become servant-leaders.